In this recollection day, the end of the year, I would like to reflect with this empty clay jar.
This empty clay jar represents my self. The emptiness symbolizes a state which sometimes not really empty but full in content; empty of graces, full of unfaithfulness; sometimes empty of unfaithfulness, full of graces. The clayness, the matter of this jar is the vulnerability to be broken, to be shattered, that demands for gentle handling, handling with care, the essence of this thing as a jar is to hold anything inside, and pouring out what is inside.
The whole year round was just like the daily activity of this jar, containing and emptying, containing new experiences of joy and sadness, of graces and unfaithfulness, sometimes emptying of some unnecessary tings, ideas and memories, bad memories of experiences.
Last Christmas, I spent my days with my family at home. With my mother, sister and brother-in-law, we recalled the memories of my father, who was a typical father: another human experience of joy and sadness. Last new year, though we were small family, we spent it solemnly.
Formation was continuous until the big day came this year, a celebration of new life for me n public as I professed my vows to be chaste-celibate, poor and obedient for and to God; this was containing all the graces from God and people, It was pouring of love within the jar from God and the people. From God, the courage to say yes to the demands of religious life; for the sake of His kingdom; and for the demands of the people from me. It was also and experience of emptying of my whole-self, of my own desires and longings, emptying, sacrificing my own will, to be in a place, living what is consecrated life. Until this end of year, consecrated life demands new experiences, to fill in my life.
Yet also within this year, as a clay jar, vulnerability to be shattered is always with me, as a human being, as an ordinary person just like an ordinary man, professional, student, mason, labourer, kid, beggar, engineer, electrician, driver and so on. I also faltered and lived in desolation: this jar experienced also emptiness of heart, just nothing and very ordinary, dry and really desolating. Those were empty moments. But I realized that those should happen to purify, to clean the inside of this jar and that new grace of consolation is poured in again, new experiences of love, of friendship, of brotherhood, a new one.
The silence of my heart gave me the grace to give silence for others, to be with others and with God. My apostolate exposure every Saturday with the kids at Payatas and Balubad were another self-fulfilling while self-emptying of my old self. It was living my consecrated life as a religious, as a person for others. Yet, in those experiences, I was also challenged to grow, to be matured and be resolved. One time that I asked a grace to really know if I am in married life or in consecrated life…shattering moments in my life, wanting to have a son of my own but wanting to have them all, thus I remained.
Emptying of my own desire, of my own pre-occupation for others was difficult. It needed extra courage and effort, for the desire was still with me, to share my being to others full of compassion and willingness in saying yes to God’s call in my life.
In all of these blessings of containing and emptying, there was this maker of the clay jar, moulded it, formed it into its essence. As the year ends today, I recognize the presence of this great Maker, who moulded me, formed me into being, into a purpose I must be, to contain and empty different experiences this year.
It is always a great joy to be an empty clay jar for myself for others and to God. My gratefulness for the simplicity, clarity of this essence, of being a clay jar; vulnerable yet has the purpose to be a jar. In this moment of recollection and contemplation, God’s graces are poured once more into this jar, to recall and to forget and be in His presence always, to be shattered and moulded again, formed again in this New Year. The people around me, whom I let them pour themselves in my being and mind, are ways of emptying as I share what are within me, people around that affected my life in many ways, one thing for sure: God made me to a purpose like this in a way of consecrated life.
Father in Heaven, maker of everything in heaven and earth, you who formed me in my essence, I praise and thank you for this year, for all the graces and learning for all the experiences, good and bad. You grant them for a purpose for me and for others. You sent people into my life, once again, I entrust them back to you. As I empty myself once more, pour your grace in me to be faithful: to be chaste, poor and obedient: to you and to your people. All these I pray in the name of Christ Jesus in the Holy Spirit. Amen.
